So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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