I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
