go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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