im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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