so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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