How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
