yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
