If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
