dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
