There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
