he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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