i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
