On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
