We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
