I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
