i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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