I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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