Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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