But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
