Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
