well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize