You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
