i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
