I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
