I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
