I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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