turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
