Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
