i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
