OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
