This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
