I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
