I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i came on her dog
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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