My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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