Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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