The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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