He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
