dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
