After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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