it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
