Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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