i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
