I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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