I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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