is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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