we made out on top of his cat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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