He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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