Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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