Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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