i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
