Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
