So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
