If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
