Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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