Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize