Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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