Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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