using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
