worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
