Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize