i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
