She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
