i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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