I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
