I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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