I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
