I bet he comes in French.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
