Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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