You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
