I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
