Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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